Batman's Birthday Party
by Windrises
Summary: The 80th anniversary, of Batman's crime-fighting legacy, has come, so a special birthday party is planned. Batman's allies attend the party, but so do his enemies, who have a trick up their sleeves.


Notes: Batman was created in 1939, by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Happy 80th anniversary to Batman.

Batman returned to the Bat Cave, after finishing a bunch of missions. He walked around the Bat Cave, while expecting to see his butler, Alfred Pennyworth, cleaning the place up. Instead of cleaning, Alfred was online, shopping for party decorations. Batman walked to the Bat Computer, tapped Alfred's shoulder, and said, "No offense, but I was expecting you to be working, not partying."

Alfred replied, "Don't worry, Batman. I am doing my job."

Batman raised an eyebrow, while saying, "You're my father-figure and butler, not a party organizer."

Alfred replied, "But I'm planning your birthday party, Batman. Despite forever remaining in your late 30s', you've been Gotham's protector and hero, for eighty years."

Batman put his hand on his chin, while saying, "I suppose that makes sense, if you don't think about it."

Alfred replied, "I know you usually avoid going to parties, when you don't have to, but I don't think you can avoid attending this one."

Batman said, "Alfred, I really don't need a party."

Alfred replied, "Well, you've earned one, so you're going to be getting one."

Batman folded his arms and said, "If a crime happens on my birthday, I will not be attending this party."

Alfred replied, "I'll keep the party going, until you come back, if that happens."

Batman sighed and said, "I hope I don't have to spend a lot of time, with getting the party ready."

Alfred calmly responded, "Don't worry, Batman. You just need to look over the guest list and add anybody you want."

Batman nodded and looked on the list. He noticed members of the Justice League were on the list, so he crossed off all of their names. He was only a member of the Justice League, because he felt guilty, about only helping the citizens of Gotham. By being in the Justice League, he got to help all kinds of people. He enjoyed that part, but he didn't approve of the ways his team members fought crime. He noticed Selina Kyle, also known as Catwoman, wasn't on the list, so he added her.

Alfred looked at the changes, that Batman made to the list. He said, "Batman, did you have to cross-off the Justice League?"

Batman nodded and answered, "I only want trustworthy people, at my party."

Alfred replied, "If that's the case, why did you invite Catwoman? You know she's a criminal."

Batman responded, "Even though she's done a few crimes, I think she has a good heart, deep down." He paused and said, "By the way, where will the party be at?"

Alfred answered, "Wayne Manor."

Batman replied, "That's not a good location, Alfred. If Batman's birthday party is held at Bruce Wayne's mansion, people might suspect my secret identity."

Alfred responded, "You have nothing to worry about. There's a countless amount of parties, that are held at Wayne Manor. All of Gotham's most notable citizens have their birthday parties and other social events, at your mansion."

Batman replied, "Very well then." Batman left the Bat Cave and started getting ready for bed.

The next morning, Batman got out of bed and started walking around his mansion. He heard some noises. Batman grabbed some batarangs and a few more weapons, in case intruders had come in. He used his detective skills, to figure out the sounds were coming from the hallways. Batman ran to the hallway, where he heard the noises, and saw Robin and Batgirl. Batman had a confused look on his face, while asking, "Why are you here?"

Robin answered, "We're setting-up stuff, for your birthday party. Hey, can I invite the Teen Titans?"

Batman sternly answered, "No you can't. They'd act like troublemakers and give my sanity a stroke." He noticed Robin and Batgirl were hanging up paintings, so he folded his arms and asked, "What are you up to?"

Batgirl answered, "Hanging up pictures of people, who are important to your history."

Batman took a closer look and saw paintings of people from his past. He looked at Robin and Batgirl, while asking, "Can you give me a minute, by myself?" They nodded and headed to the kitchen. Batman looked at a painting of Adam West, while saying, "Thank you, for bringing my comic book adventures to life. Bill Dozier couldn't of picked a better person, to represent me." Batman saluted the painting and said, "I'll never forget you and I'll always be proud of the hero you are."

Batman attached a rose, to the painting of Bill Finger, and said, "Thomas and Martha Wayne gave birth to me and Alfred's been a great father-figure, but you are my true dad. The last eighty years, of heroic crimefighting, came because of your brilliant ideas. The impact, that you made on me and the world, will always live on. Gotham couldn't of had a better creator and I couldn't of been created by a better person."

A few minutes later, Batgirl returned to the hallway and finished putting up pictures. She looked at Batman and tried to get up the nerve, to talk to him. Batman was already a hard person, to talk to. In this particular case, Batgirl was more nervous than usual, because she wanted to admit she had a crush on Batman, after years of denial. She said, "Batman, can we talk?"

Batman answered, "I suppose so. What's on your mind?"

Batgirl shyly said, "Well, I was wondering if you had anybody special in your life."

Batman replied, "I don't usually admit it, but I do have quite a few helpers, sidekicks, and friends, who help me fight the forces of evil."

Batgirl responded, "That's cool, but that wasn't what I was referring to. Do you have anybody in your life, that you have deeper feelings for?"

Batman had a confused look on his face, while asking, "What are you talking about?"

Batgirl answered, "For example, I think you're someone, who's really special. You're brilliant, strong, heroic, and very handsome. Do you know anybody, who would fit that description?"

Batman thought about it and replied, "I might feel that way about Catwoman. However, keep that a secret. If she found out, she might make me eat kitty litter." Batgirl had a disappointed look on her face.

Meanwhile, Catwoman was in Arkham Asylum, when she received an invitation, to Batman's birthday party. She was amused, that her arch-enemy/crush would give her a party invitation. She was surprised, when she heard her cell being opened. She looked at one of the guards and asked, "What's going on?"

The guard answered, "Batman's given us permission, to release you from Arkham Asylum, so you can go to the party."

Catwoman replied, "Purrfect." She happily pranced out of her cell. She looked at her invitation and noticed she was allowed to bring three guests.

Catwoman started walking by the cells, that Joker, Penguin, and Riddler were in. Joker looked at Catwoman, while saying, "Have me and my two associates be your guests, so we can get out of here and go to Batman's birthday party."

Catwoman asked, "Why should I invite you three?"

Joker grinned and asked, "Don't you remember how much fun the four of us had, back in 1966?"

The Penguin said, "Out of all of Arkham Asylum's patients, I dress the nicest and act the fanciest, so I'm the most qualified, to attend the party."

The Riddler said, "I'll bring lots of games, like puzzles and riddles, that'll make the party lots of fun."

The Joker said, "If any criminal's allowed to go to Batman's birthday party, it's you. After all, I'm the villain, who's been in the most comics, episodes, and films."

Catwoman replied, "Very well then. The party wouldn't be that much fun, if I didn't have any criminals with me." Catwoman instructed the guards, to release Joker, Penguin, and Riddler.

A few hours later, Batman was driving around the city, to search for crime. He stopped a few criminals, here and there, but there weren't any big crimes or major criminals. Batman got a text from Alfred, to come to the mansion, because guests were about to arrive. Since Batman had finished checking the city's safety, he started driving to his mansion.

Batman went inside and saw some bat-cookies and bat-milk. Batman had skipped breakfast and lunch, so he started eating his bat-themed snack. Bat-Hound took a few of his cookies, which upset him.

Bat-Mite popped into the mansion. He waved to Batman and said, "Greetings, dark knight."

Batman asked, "What are you doing here?"

Bat-Mite said, "First off, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

Batman replied, "That's sweet of you, but knowing you, I'm assuming your second reason is something troublesome."

Bat-Mite responded, "I wanted to take some your birthday presents. Since I'm your biggest fan, I deserve your biggest presents."

Batman replied, "The guests are just starting to arrive, so I haven't gotten the chance, to receive any of the presents. In order to get you off my back, I'll give you whatever presents I don't want, but until then, stay out of trouble."

Bat-Mite responded, "Very well then, Batman. I'll just stand here and look pretty." Batman rolled his eyes and walked away.

Bat-Mite flew by Batgirl, who was arranging the tables, while having a mopey look on her face. Bat-Girl said, "Hi, Batgirl. Why do you look so down?"

Batgirl sighed and replied, "I'm sorry, Bat-Mite. I suppose I'm in the correct mood, for a party. I'm just a little sad, about someone, um, I mean something."

Bat-Mite fiddled with a magnifying glass, while saying, "Since I'm such a big fan of Batman, I've done my homework, on facts and stuff. You could call me a professional detective, so I can tell you're hiding something juicy. Care to share what's on your mind, cutie?"

Batgirl said, "Well, you'll have to keep it a secret."

Bat-Mite tried to look serious, while saying, "Don't worry, dearie. When it comes to secrets, I'm moderately dependable."

Batgirl replied, "Deep down, I have an emotional attachment, for Batman. In fact, my feelings, towards him, could be considered romantic."

Bat-Mite responded, "Wowsers, talk about an interesting ship. I'll have to start writing stories about it."

Batgirl replied, "Sadly, Batman doesn't seem to feel the same way. For some reason, he likes Catwoman."

Bat-Mite responded, "Batman's infamous, for questionable decisions, like teaming up with Scooby-Doo and fighting Superman." He put his arm around Batgirl, while saying, "You should forget about Batman." He paused and said, "Well, you shouldn't completely forgotten him, because he's the best. However, when it comes to dating, you should be focusing on somebody else."

Batgirl asked, "Who?"

Bat-Mite winked and said, "Me."

Batgirl replied, "You're not my type, Bat-Mite."

Bat-Mite replied, "Come on, Batgirl. Don't you remember the amazing chemistry we had, back in 1977?"

Batgirl responded, "Even back then, I didn't have a crush on you. You had a crush on me, which was awkward."

Bat-Mite said, "Speaking of awkward, have you realized Robin's costume doesn't include pants?" Batgirl facepalmed.

A moment later, Commissioner Gordon came into the mansion, along with Harvey Bullock and Renee Montoya. Batgirl walked to him and said, "Hi, Dad."

Commissioner Gordon had a confused look on his face, because he didn't know Batgirl's secret identity was his daughter. He asked, "What are you talking about?"

Batgirl nervously said, "Uh, I'm sorry. You see, you look like my father."

Commissioner Gordon replied, "Oddly enough, you look like my daughter. Quite the coincidence." Batgirl was thankful, that her dad was too gullible, to figure out who she really was.

Detective Bullock walked to the snack table and started stuffing cookies and chips into his mouth. Officer Montoya said, "Bullock, we're supposed to be celebrating the birthday boy's birthday, not taking all of his snacks."

Detective Bullock replied, "Eh, I'm not in a celebratory mood." He eyed the birthday cake. It was a giant, vanilla cake. He said, "Hey, I could probably take a few pieces, without making a scene."

Officer Montoya responded, "Leave the cake alone, Bullock." Bullock angrily whined.

Commissioner Gordon walked up to Batman and said, "Happy birthday, old chum. It's an honor, to fight crime with you."

Batman replied, "I appreciate the sentiment, but with all due respect, you mostly just give exposition."

Commissioner Gordon responded, "Nobody's perfect."

Mayor Hamilton Hill walked inside. He walked up to Batman and said, "I was going to give you the key to the city, but I accidentally left my keys at my house."

Batman replied, "I understand, Mayor Hill."

Mayor Hill asked, "Where's Bruce Wayne?"

In order to hide his secret identity, Batman said, "Bruce Wayne decided not to attend."

Mayor Hill replied, "Mr. Wayne's probably doing his usual playboy antics."

Bat-Mite floated by Robin and asked, "Do you think I have a shot, at winning Batgirl's heart?"

Robin answered, "You're too much of a goofy sidekick, to impress her."

Bat-Mite replied, "You're also a goofy sidekick, so watch what you say, boy blunder."

Robin responded, "If anybody's a boy blunder, it's you?" Bat-Mite stuck his tongue out, at Robin.

A few minutes later, the guests were having a nice chat, while relaxing and eating snacks. Things seemed peaceful, especially by Batman's standards. Alfred walked by Batman and said, "Things seem to be going well. As long as Catwoman doesn't show up, I think you'll have a splendid party."

Batman replied, "Actually, I think Catwoman should come."

A moment later, Catwoman walked in, along with the Joker, Penguin, and Riddler. Batman was glad to see Catwoman, but he wasn't glad to see the other villains. He asked, "What's going on?"

The Joker had an evil smile on his face, while explaining, "Catwoman was allowed to bring three other guests, so I took advantage of that, by inviting myself and my two friends."

Batman replied, "You guys better scram."

The Penguin said, "That's not going to happen, birthday bat."

The Riddler said, "Without us, your party would be a glorified nap."

Catwoman rested her head on Batman's shoulder, while saying, "If you want me to stay, you won't be throwing my friends out."

Batman replied, "Very well then." Batman walked by Commissioner Gordon and whispered, "Take these fools back to Arkham, after the party's over." Gordon nodded.

Batman, along with his friends and enemies, sat down, at the party table. Alfred put the cake on the table, along with the presents. The Penguin used a napkin, to clean himself off, while Joker and Riddler started eating whatever junk food they could snatch.

Batgirl asked, "What song should we sing, for Batman's birthday?"

Bat-Mite floated by and said, "I made a rap song, for Batman's big day." Batman and Robin facepalmed, while Bat-Mite grabbed a microphone said, "Yo, citizens of Gotham City. This song's about the coolest dude, he's never rude, but his sidekick's crude. He might be in a bad mood, but he's got the hippest attitude. He makes Robin go to school, but he also makes the girls drool. His utility-belt's always got the right tool, to defeat that Joker fool. There's nothing about Batman, that you can ridicule, because he makes the Penguin's brain look like a molecule. If Two-Face was ever his lawyer, that'd be worthy of an overrule, because Batman's nobody's fool."

After cringing, Batman asked, "Can I open my presents?"

Alfred answered, "Of course you can." Alfred didn't want to spoil Batman, so he just gave him a million dollars.

Next, Batman opened Robin's present, which was a bunch of Teen Titans comics. Batman gave those to Bat-Mite. After that, Batman opened Commissioner Gordon's present, which was a pair of handcuffs and a 1989 tie. Batman opened Bat-Mite's present, which was a cassette of songs, that were sung by Bat-Mite. Batman was tempted to throw the cassette in his fireplace, but he was too nice to do it, so he had Alfred put the cassette in his music collection.

Batgirl handed a present to Batman, which was a priceless statuette, of a black bat. Batgirl looked at Batman and said, "I hope you like it."

Batman replied, "It's a very eloquent statue."

The last present came from the villains. However, in order to make the present seem less intimidating, Catwoman claimed she was the only one, who had arranged the present. Batgirl said, "I'm not so sure you should open that, Batman."

Batman asked, "Why not?"

Batgirl said, "I fear the present could be a trick, that the villains planned."

Batman calmly replied, "You don't need to worry about that, Batgirl. This present came from Catwoman and although she has a few tricks up her sleeves, she's a very trustworthy person." Batman opened the present, which was a lit bomb.

The Joker smugly responded, "My fellow villains and I prepared you a bomb, Batman. You see, your legacy means a lot to us, but you've been calling the shots, for eight decades. It's time the villains take over." Joker did an evil laugh.

The Penguin said, "Don't bother, with trying to put the bomb out."

The Riddler said, "You'd explode, before you could put the bomb out."

Catwoman slyly stared at Batman and said, "Your lovey-dovey feelings, for me, have led to your downfall."

Batman replied, "Catwoman, I thought you were better than they were."

Catwoman responded, "You let your heart decide your decisions, rather than your brain."

Batman looked at his allies, while saying, "I can save you guys, by running out of here, with the bomb."

Batgirl replied, "But you'd die, if you did such a thing."

Batman said, "I have to make the sacrifice. It's what any good superhero would do." Batman started running out of the mansion. Batgirl followed him, in hopes she could find a way, to save Batman. By the time, Batman ran outside, the bomb was about to go off. Batman quickly threw the bomb, as far as he could. He had about ten seconds, to get back inside, before the bomb would explode. Batman thought he wouldn't survive, but Batgirl used her grappling hook, to grab Batman and pull him back to the mansion. Batman and Batgirl managed to get inside, before the bomb exploded.

Batman looked at Batgirl and said, "You saved my existence, Batgirl."

Batgirl replied, "Any good superhero would of done the same thing."

Batman said, "Don't compare yourself, to every other superhero. You're special and incomparable." Batgirl smiled.

Batman and Batgirl faced the villains, while Batman said, "Bad guests usually have to hit the road, but you vile fiends will be hitting the asylum."

The Joker pointed a gun at Batman, while replying, "That's not going to be happening, Batman." He did an evil laugh.

Batman responded, "I don't like guns, which is why I had all the bullets removed, from all of your guns, at the start of the party."

The Penguin looked baffled, while asking, "How did you manage to do that, without us catching you?"

Batman answered, "I'm the world's greatest detective. That might be a bit much, but I can safely say, that I'm a lot smarter than you."

The Riddler replied, "If you're so smart, you'll be able to solve my latest riddle."

Batman punched the Riddler, while saying, "Since I'm so smart, I'm going to defeat my enemies, instead of wasting time, with solving riddles." Batman punched Riddler in the face, which made him pass out.

Robin used his utility-belt, to take the Penguin's umbrella. The Penguin said, "Give me my precious umbrella, boy blunder."

Robin replied, "You're going to get a taste of your own medicine, Penguin." Robin used Penguin's umbrella, to spray knock-out gas. Penguin angrily squawked, before passing out.

Catwoman pointed her whip at Batgirl, while saying, "You shouldn't of wasted your breath, to save Batman. After all, I'm the one he truly loves."

Batman replied, "That's no longer the case, Catwoman. I admit I'm guilty, of letting my heart cloud my common sense. However, now that I know you're truly wicked, you and I will never work out."

Catwoman responded, "Then I'll defeat you and lock you in a tub of kitty litter."

Batgirl replied, "Your crimes are the opposite of purrfect, you cruel feline." Batgirl kicked Catwoman into a wall, which made her pass out.

The Joker tried to run away, but Bat-Mite grabbed him and said, "You've tried to hurt my hero, too many times. Because of that, you're going to face my batty justice." Bat-Mite threw the Joker, who fell to the ground. The Joker did a crazy-sounding laugh, before laughing.

Commissioner Gordon, Officer Montoya, and Detective Bullock handcuffed the villains and left the party, so they could take the villains to Arkham Asylum. Alfred cleaned the mansion, while Bat-Mite and Robin ate a bunch of snacks.

Meanwhile, Batman went to his balcony. Batgirl followed him. Batman looked at her and said, "Thank you, for saving my life. I owe you an apology."

Batgirl asked, "Why would you need to apologize?"

Batman answered, "Because I've been ignoring you and was focusing my attention, on a villain. I'm a great detective, but I'm often unaware of things, that I should be noticing. You've been an amazing help and a good person, in general. You're a much better person, than Catwoman could ever be."

Batgirl blushed and replied, "Thank you." She gave Batman a big hug.

Batman smiled and asked, "Wanna get a drink? We could go to drink-stand and get a glass of orange juice."

Batgirl replied, "Sounds nice." Batman and Batgirl started holding hands, while walking out.

After the Joker was put in Arkham Asylum, Bat-Mite popped into his cell and said, "Joker, Batman's been showing you who's boss, for the past eight decades. You might as well call it quits, joke boy."

The Joker gleefully replied, "Don't count your outcomes, before they hatch. By Batman's ninetieth anniversary, I will be in charge." Joker did an evil laugh.

Bat-Mite faced the audience and asked, "Will Batman always win? Will the villains ever have their lucky day? To find out, tune into Batman's next anniversary, ten years from now."

The Joker replied, "If you want to know how that'll turn out, let me give you a clue: The worst is yet to come." Joker did an evil laugh.


End file.
